Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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