Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize