you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you are never too drunk for berry picking
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
