my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
