I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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