Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
