Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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