You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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