I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
