Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize