Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
