Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
