And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
