I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
