dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
