3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
