I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Randomize
