please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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