So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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