Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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