If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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