The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
