My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
