so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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