He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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