Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
