we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
