I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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