I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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