So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
