remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
two words...techno handjob
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
