Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
