What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Enjoy the penises
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
