So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
