capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
