Cold hands, warm shart.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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