He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
