But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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