Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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