those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
