omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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