I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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