If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
