my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
