:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
