He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
