he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
