i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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