I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
