I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
