I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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