so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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