You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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