16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize