If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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