Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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