he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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