You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
