So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
