It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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