Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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