Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
