just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My liver just had a heart attack.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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