Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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