I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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