Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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