I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
