Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
