Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
