well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
