you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
