i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize