i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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