These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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