Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
