Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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