Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
