Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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