I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
