I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
