no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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