I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
