Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
