Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
