this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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