My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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