'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
