I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I need moral support for this bender
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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