Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
