Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
