Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
