I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
