Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize