Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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