Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
