Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize