She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
