After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
