you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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